Pardon the Intrusion
According to Dictionary.com, the definition of “intrude” is putting oneself deliberately into a place or situation where one is unwelcome or uninvited. Sound familiar? It should.
Have you ever struggled with someone who purposely put themselves in a situation you were in without being invited? If you’ve ever struggled with anger, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, poor self-esteem, and especially thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself then, whether you are aware of it or not, you are very acquainted with intrusions or, more accurately, intrusive thoughts.
I was introduced to the concept of intrusive thoughts when I was working on my Master’s and doing research for a paper on suicidal and self-harming behaviors. I learned that, essentially, intrusive thoughts are thoughts that pop into our minds that we don’t like. These can be memories, images, feelings, voices, or urges...or all of the above.
It’s essential to recognize that these are thoughts our brain generates. What sucks is that the intrusive thoughts/memories are always of things we don’t like and would rather not think about. Our brain never continuously reminds us of good things. To think about good things, we have to do all the work of retrieving them before we can relive them. But we don’t have to do this with bad thoughts or traumatic memories because the brain will constantly remind us of them unprompted. And it does it on purpose. Why? Well, believe it or not, it starts with a “D” and ends with “opamine.”
Our brains love dopamine and once it has experienced a reward for something we’ve done that reduces our anxiety, it gets addicted to it and will do anything to get more. That’s right. Our brains actually call up intrusive thoughts in order to create anxiety because it knows when we make it through a difficult time that it will get a nice shot of dopamine as a reward. This then becomes a vicious cycle of us struggling over and over with thoughts hand-picked by our brains, all just to get a shot of dopamine. This continues until, like every other addiction, the brain begins receiving the biggest shot of dopamine at the introduction of the intrusive thought and not when it is resolved. This creates a tricky situation where our brains will continue to present intrusive thoughts so that we will continue to feel good at the thought of making it past them. In other words, the more we want relief from fear and anxiety, the more opportunities our brains will give us to chase the dopamine “high” that surviving the nightmarish thoughts will provide. At some point, this insidious cycle can become seemingly insurmountable...and that’s when thoughts of suicide or hurting ourselves begin to take over because escape seems to be the only way out.
“I can’t take it anymore!”
“I don’t want to be here anymore!”
At some point in the process, our brain’s amazing ability for pattern recognition takes over. When we engage in compulsions to end intrusive thoughts and/or other painful feelings, we create a pattern. When our brains pick up on this pattern, dopamine neurons light up earlier and earlier in expectation of the reward. But intrusive thoughts can be dealt with, and we can train our brains to stop hurting us
As simplistic as it may sound, to get rid of intrusive thoughts we must break the addictive pattern of:
Intrusive Thoughts + Compulsive Behaviors = Reward
To do this, we have to stop trying to get rid of the intrusive thoughts and, instead, concentrate on breaking the pattern.
Our brains are always looking for shortcuts and ways to be more efficient. The brain is very economical and won’t waste time throwing stuff at us that we don’t engage in. If we accept the thoughts and fears as being “stuff” in our heads that can’t hurt us...if we remind ourselves that our brain is just desperately trying to get a dopamine-laced reward, then we can begin to break the pattern. In other words, we need to tell our brains...
“You can go ahead and think what you want but I know why you’re doing it and I have
other things to do besides listen to you.”
We aren’t dogs and we don’t have to chase every “bone”/thought our brain throws at us. We need to accept that we are anxious and scared, that everything is a dopamine-driven lie, and then get busy living our lives. Discredit the intrusive thought and then invite it to come with you while you engage in some physical activity. It’s okay to have thoughts, memories, urges, voices, images, and fears in our heads that we don’t like. We can have all of that junk floating around in our heads, but we must then engage in activities that align with our values and beliefs. Exercise, supportive friends and family, healthy eating (and sometimes an occasional unhealthy treat), meditation, helping others, sharing knowledge, practicing acceptance, and honesty are the ways we can begin to break free of our compulsive behaviors and, thus, destroy the destructive patterns we created to deal with intrusive thoughts. Let your brain think what it wants to think while you take it along for the ride as you achieve your goals in life.
This takes time and a true commitment. This is because feeling better never comes from a quick fix to a problem. Our brains were designed to change. It just takes time, tenacity, and patience. Our ability to change our minds is called “neuroplasticity.”
Whenever we have a significant thought, for example, learning how to swing a golf club, or parallel park, or begin to believe we’re unattractive, a collection of neurons come together to form a new neural pathway. The more we practice that new activity or thought, the more entrenched the pathway becomes in our brains. Soon, we are playing scratch golf, parking between two cars with ease or, sadly, struggling to look at our reflection in the mirror while we’re brushing our teeth. The more developed the pathways become, the more powerful and, sometimes intrusive, they become. Whether we just smashed a drive straight down the fairway or are struggling to breathe after thinking we are repulsive, we are going to get a significant shot of dopamine before or shortly after the pathway is engaged.
So, why does our brain do this? Why does the most powerful organ in our body want to destroy us? Well, it doesn’t. It’s just chasing a high. Our brain loves dopamine, and dopamine is the key to addiction. Sadly, the relief of pain is always going to elicit more dopamine production than the simple joy of accomplishment. So, intrusive thoughts can become powerful sources of pain which, in turn, become powerful sources of relief.
Neuroplasticity
I love that word and every time I use it in conversation it makes me feel just a little bit smarter than I really am. But it is an important term because, in a way, it describes the miracle of our ability to change our minds no matter how old we are or how entrenched a thought or belief may be. Here’s how it works...
Every time we have a new significant thought or action (learning to hit a curve ball) we create a new neural pathway. Think of it as a circle drawn in the sand by your finger. The more the thought or action is practiced, the more times the circle is traced. Eventually, if the thought or action is practiced enough, the circle becomes a “trench” and begins to take priority in our mind and subconscious. Once this happens it can become an intrusive thought, and it can feel impossible to ever stop thinking it. But our brains were made with the ability to change. To accomplish this we simply perform the same process that created the bad and scary thoughts. We do this by feeding minds the truth...four truths to be exact.
Take a minute to think of four distinct truths that have been there your entire life whether you currently realize it or not...
1. It’s only a memory. It’s not real.
2. I’m okay.
3. I’m safe.
4. Everything’s going to be alright.
Now comes the hard part. Your commitment to change is the only weak link in this process. What I mean is that every single time your head is flooded with an intrusive thought, you have to immediately stop what you’re doing, take a slow deep breath, and repeat the four truths. Every single time! If you do this the intrusive thought (pathway) weakens until it is “pruned” and falls away. You will always have a memory of the thought, but it won’t hurt you anymore. This doesn’t happen overnight but if you are committed to the process, the day will come when the thought loses its hold on you, and you will have taken your first step to taking back control of your thoughts and your life. It’s not easy but it is possible.
We each possess the key to changing our own lives for the better. Life doesn’t have to be one nightmare tied to another nightmare. Panic doesn’t have to be part of our daily routines. Fear, anger, and self-loathing don’t have to be our forms of daily affirmation. I’m asking you to fight for your peace of mind. Fight for your happiness. Fight for your tomorrow!
Be the miracle you were designed to be.
